Before any of you start freaking out, I am not killing myself. As far as a I know, no one is trying to kill me either. I'm just saying that when I die, I want my death honored.
I repeat, I'm not killing myself, yet. But trust me, when/if I do, you will all be at least the fourth or fifth ones to know about it.
I almost died yesterday. I was walking down the stairs at my place when it happened. I always knew that house would be the death of me. I always thought it would be the shower that killed me though. I even wrote about it a while back. It's here if you want to read it. Just read the first two paragraphs for the death by shower part.
But as I was saying, I was going down the stairs and I slipped. My life suddenly flashed before my eyes.
I saw myself sitting on the couch watching TV. I saw myself standing in my front yard, staring across the valley at letters lit up on the hill above my high school, thinking about my friends at the homecoming dance, wishing I was there. I saw myself in my car driving to some chicks house late at night, no one in the passenger seat, my friend and some chick making out in the back seat. I saw myself in a class room, sitting in a desk, students zoomed past me, the hands on the clock moved quickly, that faces of the students changed, I sat in the same classroom, same desk, 6 years went by.
Suddenly my life stopped flashing before my eyes. My left hand was pressed against the wall, my right was clutching the banister, my body was leaning forward. I don't know how it happened, but somehow I caught myself. I just stared down the stairs at the spot I would have been had I not caught myself.
Then it hit me. I sat down. I realized I've done nothing in my life. Nothing. Especially nothing worthy of being honored for. I've always just kind of been there. If I had of fallen down the stairs and died I probably would have sat there for at least four days before anyone noticed I was gone.
I'm a waste. I've done nothing. I need to get out and start doing something.
A couple hours after almost dying, I was sitting on the couch watching TV. Deadliest Catch was on the Discovery channel. For those that don't know, Deadliest Catch follows around people that do the most dangerous job in the world, deep sea fishing. They were catching crab. It's awesome, these guys go out for like a week or so and they make like $30,000.
"We should do that," Justin says.
What an idiot I thought. We'd just die.
At the end of the show, all the men are back from their ships and celebrating in a bar. All of a sudden a few guys just start throwing money into a pile on the table.
All the money in the pile is going to go to honor the memories of the men who died and men who had died while out on the ocean.
That's it I thought. All I need when I die is to honored. As long as I know my memory will be honored when I die, I can die in peace.
So please, honor me when I die. As for now, I'm going out to sea.
