My I needed something to write about web log

Since most, if not all my readers come from Facebook, let me do some explaining.  I recently started posting all of my stuff on blogger.com.  If anyone is interested the site is http://martyhasablog.blogspot.com/.  I write my things on their first then I just copy and paste them into Facebook.  I would just choose to have Facebook import them directly from blogspot, but I don't for some reason.  It's a valid reason I just don't remember it right now.  This is why, at times, it seems like I'm writing for a different audience of people.  Sometimes I'll write stuff about Facebook, which is more intended for my Facebook readers.  Sometimes I'll write stuff that is more geared towards my blogspot readers, if there is any.  This has a little relevance to todays web log, I'm just not going to explain what that relevance is.

But anyways, I was sitting here at work, looking for something to do.  I normally just sit here anyways, but with school being out I have an inordinate amount of time to just sit here.  I watched Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure the other day. I watched Stranger Than Fiction the next day.  Today I was all movie'd out, so I figured I'd just write something.  Only problem is I had nothing to write about.  

We got a couple inches of snow last night.  Which is quite a funny story in its self.  I go inside at 3, no snow at all.  Come outside 2 hours later, and there is like 3 or 4 inches.  I was pissed.  But I was walking to work today and I slipped in the snow.  I could write about that I thought.  Then I realized that slipping in the snow is stupid.  It snows all the time and people slip in it all the time.  No one wants to read about it.  Unless there is one of three things involved:  Blood, broken bones or extreme embarrassment.  So writing about that was out.

I was left just staring at a blank page, thinking about what to write.  I decided to go and read some stuff on blogspot.  I went to my web log on blogspot.  Up at the top they have this little search thing where you can search your own web log, or whoever else's you happen to be viewing at the time.  There is also a button up there that takes you to the next web log.  I clicked it the other day and it took me to a quite informative web log that someone wrote about preventing pimples.  It was a nice little read.  I figured I'd click it again.  Get a look see at what other people are writing.  Maybe steal one of there ideas.

CLICK!

Four sets of boobies pop up.  

Some kind of ad, I think.

Normally in a situation such as this I would just nonchalantly push the back button and everything would be fine.  But I was at work and I started freaking out.  Luckily no one else was in the office with me and the chances of someone showing up were roughly three percent.  None the less I still freaked out.  

I pushed the back button.  Nothing.  It didn't go back anywhere.  I think the 4 pair of boobies may have changed to a new set of 4, but that's about it.  

Apple Q, Apple Q damn it. 

That didn't work either.  It just popped up a new window.  

"You have 4 other windows open.  Quitting Safari will close those as well.  Are you sure you want to quit."  

I don't care, just get these boobies off the screen before someone comes in.

Ahhhh, they were gone.  

I had a revelation at this time.  I had been searching for something to write about.  I wanted something to write about you could say.  I wanted it and it was given to me.  This seems to be happening a lot lately.  Looks like I have something to write about after the break.

Those boobies popping up on my screen had given me something to write about.  As fast as I decided to write about this experience I had decided that this experience didn't need written about.  

Just as with my snow thing, I couldn't write about my porn experience, because it happens to everyone.  Coming across porn on the internet whether intentionally or accidentally may be the most common thing in the world.  No one wants to read about things that are common place.  

So here I am now.  Staring at the same page I was before.  Only this time I'm not trying to think about what to write about.  I'm looking back at what I wrote realizing that I shouldn't have written anything.  

My Brush With Death

My step-dad pointed a gun at me last night.  That's the second time it's happened.  This time was a lot scarier than the first time though.

The first time was about 4 or 5 years ago.  I was out in the shop behind our house with a couple of my friends.  We had my car in there and we were changing one of the headlights or something like that.  I thought it was around 11 when we went out there, so I figured everyone was asleep or I would have told someone we were going out.  Turns out it was only 9 and my parents were just getting ready for bed.  My step-dad saw the light on out in the shop and decided to come out and investigate.  Apparently investigating stuff involves walking in the shop wielding a gun.  As soon as he saw it was just us the situation turned into something of a sitcom.  

He just put the gun back in his jacket and was like "Oh, you guys."  Then we all just laughed uncontrollably.  It was like one of those episodes of Full House where they try to touch on a serious issue.  The issue gets dealt with and then the episode ends with everyone in the living room laughing at some hilarious anecdote about the issue.  Usually the hilarity involves Kimmie Gibler in one way or another.  

We just had a gun pointed at us, but the whole thing was just so lighthearted.  Luckily the situation was pulled from a sitcom and not a TV drama.  If it were from a drama someone would have been shot.  Last night's episode wasn't from a sitcom though, it was more that of a drama.  

I go grocery shopping ever week for my mom.  She emails me the list, I buy the food and then I drive it out to her.  I normally would go on Tuesday, it just fit my schedule better.  I wasn't going to be able to go on this particular Tuesday and with school being over I had some extra time, so I went on Monday. 

 I  bought the food and headed out to my house in Mendon to drop the food off.  I can't go in the front door as there is some construction taking place in the front room.  So me being the wise man that I am, I use my garage door opener.  I open the garage door and proceed to the door leading into the house.  Doing all this while both hands are burdened with sacks of groceries.  I get to the door, it's locked.  I knock, half  heartedly due to the groceries.  Somehow I'm able to fumble around in my pocket and get my keys out with the groceries still in hand.  I don't know if you've ever tried to unlock a door with a handful of groceries but it isn't easy.  I almost had the key in the lock when...

BAM!

The door opens and I'm left staring in the barrel of a pistol.  He held the gun there for a bit and then began to put it away.  It was different from the first time he pulled a gun on me.  The fist time he seemed relieved that it was just me and some friends.  Almost as if he was glad it was just us, so he didn't have to shoot anyone.  This time there was a look of disappoint.  Almost as if he was disappointed that it was just me.  I think he really wanted to shot someone.  

Looking at the gun didn't scare me so much, it was more the look on his face that scared the crap out of me.  He wanted to shoot someone.  If that had been someone that took him more than a split second to recognize, they are in the hospital right now, or dead.  That's just the way he is, shoot first, ask questions later.  

I don't know why he's so overly concerned about safety.  I can understand one, maybe two guns.  I don't even know how many he has, and we're not talking guns for hunting, we're talking guns for protection.   He almost always has one on him.  I know of at least two places in the house where there is one.  And whenever I borrow one of the cars for whatever reason, the first thing he has to do is take the gun out.  There is a gun in every vehicle, that's another 3.  I think my mom's car even has a gun in it, I know she has the permit to do so.  So by my count that's at least seven.

I don't know if he's not reading the paper or what, but I guess he hasn't heard that Logan is consistently one of the top three safest cities in the nation.  Maybe I should cut him some slack though, since he technically doesn't live in Logan.  I guess he thinks the surrounding areas of Logan are like Beirut.  (I realize that a Beirut reference may be too sophisticated for my readers, but I'm keeping it).

At the time I didn't really think that much of actually being shot.  Looking back though I've realized that the odds of me being shot were pretty high.  A lot higher than not being shot.  Luckily I wasn't shot, but I'm still scared.  The reason I'm still scared:  Because the whole thing just seems like an episode of The OC, or something like that.  Maybe I've just watched too much TV, but this whole incident is like foreshadowing to me.  Sure no one got shot this time, but this was just a set up for someone to get shot in a later episode.  

I'm never going home again.  

Goodbye Nate

"And here's a question for you. What are you going to do in a few weeks when I move out? How are you going to survive without my keen sense of humor?"

"I specifically remember asking you a question as well. Thanks for forgetting me already. Just cause I am moving out in 2 days doesn't mean you can forget me before I leave. Ass."

Those are quotes from Nathan James Copier.  And he wonders why I don't care that he's leaving.  

Nate, it rhymes with great.  I found that out the first day I met him. 

I locked my keys in my room.  Nate, being so great, drove me to the key getting place.  He didn't care that I had happened to lock my shirt in my room along with my key.  He accepted me for who I was, shirt or no shirt.  He even offered me the shirt off his back.  Something I found odd as he had a whole closet full of other shirts.  That's just the kind of guy Nate is though.  He'd give you the shirt off his back, even though he has plenty of other shirts that he is not wearing.  I declined his offer.  I didn't need no stinkin' shirt.  The offer was greatly appreciated though.

That's the first time that I learned how great Nate is.  That's also the last time.  I've spent the last year and then some trying to find other things that make him so great.  I've found nothing.  It's not from lack of trying.  I've tried, I just haven't found anything.  Here is some examples. 

The time Nate snapped the football to me, missed and hit the light fixture above my head, sending thousands of pieces of sharp jagged glass down on my head, not great.  

Nate keeping me up until 5 am to play NCAA football on the Playstation, only he'd never give me the ball because I sucked, not great.  

The time I waited for hours for Nate to play at Po Bev, then he only played one song, not great.  

Those are just a few of the times I've looked for Nate's greatness, unsuccessfully.  I could give many more examples, but the guy is graduating and leaving.  No need to rain on his parade.  

He's going to be missed, but luckily his replacement, Jordan Stone, is quickly moving in.

Yeah, he's not Nate, but maybe he's close.  Sure Jordan can't sing, can't play the guitar, isn't as good at Guitar Hero, can't dance, doesn't yell loudly, doesn't say non-sensical and often  times hilarious things when mad, can't give official tours of campus, doesn't play volleyball, never worked at Lagoon and most importantly isn't as tall.  But Jordan makes up for those shortcomings with what he does have, a car that doesn't smell like smoke and it has a bumper.  Jordan is also going to live with us.  We're going to see him more than just once a week when he drives to Logan to visit, unlike Nate.  

The only problem I see with Nate's replacement is that his name doesn't rhyme with anything.  The only thing I can come up with is, Jordan, at least he isn't Gordan.  But Nate, Nate rhymes with great.  And in my book, that's all you need to be great.  

Something To Write About

Remember that Poison song, Something To Believe In? That's what my title reminds me of. Then I'm reminded that I learned the story behind that song from watching Rock of Love. Then I feel ashamed. 

Then I'm reminded that this has nothing to do with that song. I don't what this has to do with. Maybe I'll just ramble.

I see that Facebook still hasn't updated the popular notes feature. Either that, or my note asking for questions has been the most popular note on the Utah State network for a month and Cameron G Copeland's semi entertaining uniqueness picture he found has actively been viewed for the past month. I don't see either of these happening. Therefore I conclude that the feature hasn't updated it's self since Nov. 15.

Back to my note where I asked for questions. Turns out I got two, maybe three questions. Not enough to do an entire note. So it looks like I'm going to have to to make up questions. I will still answer the real questions as well. Feel free to send in new questions too.

I'm going to answer one of the questions now, 'cause it bugs me too. Justin Hill asks, "Could you send me a message every time you write a note? That way I'll know when you write one and I don't have to guess."

Good question, Justin Hill. I am bothered by this also. On Myspace people could subscribe to your web log. Then every time you wrote a new one, your subscribers were notified. You do not have this capability with Facebook however. The closest thing Facebook has is that you can tag people in your note. Those you tag will be sent a notification that you tagged them in a note. Only problem is that this is semi time consuming on my end. Not to mention there is also a limit on how many people you can tag. I don't remember the exact number, but whatever it is two more people than that want to be notified whenever I write a new note. 

But to answer your question, Justin, the answer is no, with a qualifier. You will be notified of this note being posted, but only because I mentioned you in it, so you will be tagged. So unless you count on being mentioned in all my notes, something that just isn't plausible, you will not be notified when I post notes. 

So what are you to do, when you aren't mentioned in notes and what are others supposed to do when they aren't mentioned? 

The answer to that, is that you shouldn't have to be doing anything. You should already be checking my profile on a daily basis. With checking my profile everyday comes checking my mini-feed everyday. If you're doing that you will see when I write a new note, because it will tell you. 

So there is the answer to your question. You do nothing, absolutely nothing. I assume you and everyone else is already checking my profile everyday and reading my mini-feed ever day. That is all you need to do to know when I post new notes. 

That'll do

So until next time, keep on truckin', rocking in the free world and various other things of that nature. 

Thanksgiving, over. Christmas, bring it on...

Originally Posted:  Nov 26, 2007

...Just don't let anybody leave. 

That would have just been the whole title, but Facebook limits you in regards to title length.

Three days. That's all the Thanksgiving break really was. I'm only counting Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Thursday doesn't count as that was just a family day. Well for me it was just a Rock Band day. Although my family played too, so maybe that makes it a Rock Band/family day. Either way Thursday doesn't not count. 

Sunday doesn't count either. Sunday doesn't count for anything. It's not really a weekday and it's not a weekend either. The way I see it, Sunday is like the extra time they just arbitrarily add to the end of halves at soccer games. Like that arbitrary time they add on to soccer games, Sundays always seem to vary in length. (*Note* This may be due to the fact that I sleep in for varying lengths of time on Sundays. Making some Sundays longer and some shorter than previous ones.) Also like that arbitrary time added to soccer games, nothing ever really happens on Sundays. Therefore, Sunday doesn't count for anything, especially Thanksgiving break. 

So three days, that's it. Three days of absolute boredom. 

My boredom was brought on by the fact that everyone leaves for Thanksgiving break. Everyone but me that is. I don't even remember what I did Wednesday, but I'm sure it involved sitting on my Love Sac alone for an extended period of time. 

I'll skip Friday for now and come back to it later. Friday has special circumstances surrounding it. 

I might as well skip Saturday too. All I did was drive around and eventually end up sitting in a parking lot. 

Let's go back to Special Circumcision Circumstances Friday. This is how my Friday was supposed to go. Go to bank to cash month old $15 dollar check, repeat Wednesdays activities. But then I went and ruined my scheduled plans. Being Black Friday, the mall parking lot was pretty full. With me going to the bank in the mall parking lot I was already there. I figured I might as well go check out all the commotion.

So I'm at the mall with absolutely nothing to do. I was just aimlessly walking around. I think I went into one store for about 20 seconds. I also made a fake trip to the bathroom. Why did I even go to the mall? I could have done the same stuff at home. 

Then I heard my name. It was my friend Maria. We chit-chatted a bit. She felt bad for me and my pathetically boring break. So a group of six of us ended up going down to Ogden that night to go to the comedy club. 

So why did I call it Special Circumstances Friday? Because I just happened to have something to do that day by chance. I just randomly went to the mall. I didn't have anything to do there. Friday should have never happened, although I'm glad it did. I should have been relegated to doing the same thing I did on Wednesday and Saturday. But my random trip to the mall resulted in my getting lucky and finding something to do. 

Now I ask the question, how am I going to survive Christmas break? Thanksgiving break was only three days and I almost died due to crying too much. Imagine how much crying is going to take place during Christmas break, it's nearly a month long. 

But I'm prepared. I plan on randomly going to numerous malls throughout the break. Maybe I'll go down to Salt Lake and go Christmas shopping by myself. Just like I did last year. Yeah, that'll show 'em. 

Oh crap, I'm screwed. 

After The Final Rose?

Originally Posted:  November 20, 2007

I watched The Bachelor today. Don't worry though, I only watched half of it, so I'm only half gay. I didn't watch it out of nowhere though. I knew what was going on. I had prior information on what happened and that I may or may not find it funny. 

For those that missed it, which i hope is all of you, here is what happened. It was the finale, so of course he was choosing between the last two girls. He's supposed to propose to one of them. He said goodbye to both of them though. 

It was hilarious. Watching both girls getting their heat broken. There is nothing quite like watching heart break. As long as you don't know any of the people involved it's hilarious. Now maybe for those that had watched the show regularly it wasn't quite as hilarious. They probably felt like they had some sort of pseudo attachment to these people. So maybe they didn't find the fact that he chose no one funny, but I sure did. 

But now I'm left with a question. They are going to have the final show tonight, After The Final Rose they call it. How can they still call it that when there was no final rose? It just sat there on the table. 

So technically the final rose was given to both of the finalists. But that is two roses. The show is about the final rose, not final roseS. How are they going to do that?

That question is the biggest question I have in my life right now. And sadly I'm not going to be able to answer it, because I'm not going to watch the After The Final Rose show. 

So my viewing of half an episode has just left me bewildered and confused. But on the bright side, I did learn one thing. Heartbreak equals hilarity. 

One final note about that episode of the bachelor. They ended it all wrong. They ended it with one of the girls walking down the hall, carrying her shoes. They missed a golden opportunity. The final rose, that wasn't given out, sitting on the table should have been the final shot. But here is the catch. You show that rose slowly die and wilt. The petals begin to fall off. Then the last rose petal gets blown away, fade to black. That's how to properly end that episode.

That brings me to another question. Are those roses real or fake? I'm inclined to say real, just because. But then I think they should be fake so you can keep them forever as a keepsake. 

I think I've figured out why I've never watched The Bachelor. It just leads to too many unanswered questions. 

On a side note, all the ladies I work with said I kind of looked like the guy on The Bachelor. Then no more than 15 minutes later they are bashing the guy. How am I supposed to feel about this

Where Is My Questions?

Originally Posted:  November 15, 2007

I'll start by mentioning something I said the other day. It was quite possibly the most important thing I've said in maybe forever. I was talking to a friend, explaining why they should get a Facebook. Here is what I said:

"There is going to come a day when being a productive member of society means having a Facebook account. What are you going to do then? And in all honesty, that day may already be here. Why don't you start pulling your weight?!?"

That's what I said. Normally this is where I would explain why my statement was so profound, but it's not needed in this case. By reading this note, it means that you already have a Facebook account. You are already aware of the truthiness of my words. 

Well that's I really have to say right now. I haven't really had anything to say in the last week or so. And rather than just write some random garbage, I didn't write anything. I realize though that people still may want something from me. This has happened once before. This is what I did last time.

I went to you the reader for help. I asked you to send in questions. So far I've received exactly no questions. I did something once where I made up questions and then answered them. Something happened to my computer though and I lost everything before I had time to post it. I wasn't going to go back and write the whole thing again.

Now I come to you again for questions, hoping for a better result than last time. So one question is all I ask for. You can send them in the form of a message. Or if you're really concerned about anonymity you can write me a question in my honesty box. That way I won't know who is sending the question and neither will anyone else. I don't even think other people will be able to see the question. I will know whether or not you are male of female, which could help in answering the question, but that is it. 

Please note that I will most likely not answer your question. However I will try my best to make sure hilarity ensues. But if need be I will tackle the question seriously if the question merits it. 

One last thing. 

How's that writers strike treating you now. You care yet? The thing I like most is how the networks are trying to act as if there is no strike by saying their shows are just going on fall break. Yes, some shows were scheduled to take a break over the holidays, but the majority of them weren't. And now everyone is being fooled into thinking this is the case. It isn't and never was. It was like four shows at the most that had planned breaks.

We have you by the balls. Just give us our money. You're losing more money by not meeting our demands. 

I say we because... Well I don't know why, I just am. 

Oh I forgot. One last, last thing.

Matt and I were talking the other day. It turns out neither of us know a Kelly. We're holding auditions for a Kelli that we can occasionally hang out with. It doesn't matter how you spell it. It can be with a 'y', 'i' or the less conventional 'ey'. Just as long as it's pronounced Kelley it's fine. If you are interested or know someone who may be interested please contact either Matt or Marty immediately.

My Strike

Originally Posted:  November 7, 2007

My strike has ended. 

Many of you are probably already aware of the Writers Guild of America strike. I decided to join my fellow, more successful writers in their strike. Then I realized no one cares when I don't write anything. 

People care when they don't write stuff. Maybe not so much yet because the only shows that are being affected now are your shows that come on daily. Your Colbert Report, all your late night shows and such. 

But if the strike goes on much longer, it's going to start affecting everything else. They only have so many scripts for TV shows stockpiled. And even if they have to use those, they still are going to suffer. Those things continually go through rewrites right up until production. So if those things end up being used you'll be watching the crappy version of the show, instead of the less crappy numerous rewrites version.

Then if it keeps going, there goes your movies. This is less likely, as the strike probably won't go on this long. But if this thing stretches past the 6-10 month range, you'll notice. On the plus side maybe they'll start making all those crappy scripts they have lying around. Of course an original movie script is almost unrecognizable from the pre-production script. But now they are going to have just go with the original. So what I'm trying to say is there is going to be a lot of crappy movies in the coming years if this thing stretches on. 

You'll care, if you don't already. 

As for me, if I stopped writing this no one would care. In fact, most of you would be happy that you don't have to read what I write anymore. Since most of you only read what I write out of a feeling of obligation. Most of you feel like I would just whine if I found out you weren't reading these. So you read, but only to appease me. And yes, I would whine, a lot, so keep reading. 

So I've ended my strike, but I still fully support my fellow, more successful writer friends. For one day, maybe, I will see some of that 8 cents they are fighting for. 

Goodbye Myspace... Sort Of

Originally Posted:  October 31, 2007

Have you ever become distant from a good friend? At one time you were really good friends. You had a lot of good times. But as good as some friendships are, some are just destined to fizzle. Things change, people change and some friendships just aren't malleable enough to change with them. You only remember the good times though. You wish you could go back to those days. But you can't, you've both changed. They don't fit in with you and you don't fit in with them anymore. You both hang on, hoping that one day things will go back to the way they were. But they won't. Then one day, you let go. As painful as it is, you do it. You're hit with a sudden wave of relief. You kick yourself for not doing it earlier. You're truly happy.

The next day, things are different. You aren't happy anymore. You find your self reminiscing about the good times gone. The good times were already gone, but at least when the person was still "around" you still had the false hope that you could get them back. But now that you've parted ways, that false hope is gone. It seems like you have nothing to live for anymore. Everything seems so bleak. You lost what you once had, and at one time, what you thought would be around forever. 

I let go of one of those friends yesterday, 163 of them to be exact. 

I deleted my Myspace yesterday. I've always said I was going to do it. I just never did. I couldn't let go. When I originally planned on deleting it, I went back and read all my old web logs and all my old comments. After reading those I just couldn't do it. The memories were just too strong. So I held on. I never did anything on there anymore. I never wrote people back. I even stopped posting web logs on there. We weren't progressing. We never even talked anymore. The only symbol of our friendship was old comments and stuff. 

So yesterday, I deleted it. I felt happy at the time. But now, I'm looking back, in regret. I wish I would have at least saved all those old comments and old web logs. They were kind of like old pictures. Memories of what once was. No more hope that there will be more memories in the future. And you know what, I'm happy with that. It's what's best, for both us. 

But now I can look forward to the occasional get together, reminisce and catch up, dinner and a game. Something that wouldn't have happened had we continued this sham of a friendship and acted as if things were the same as they used to be. 

We may not be creating any new memories ever again, but at least we'll always have the old ones. 

This Is The Kind of Stuff That Keeps Me Up At Night

Originally Posted:  October 23, 2007

Have you ever been in one of those situations where as cool as it was you wish you could have seen it from someone else's shoes? I had one of those the other night. 

I was watching Friday Night Lights Sunday night with my friend Megan, when I should have been over at Emo's birthday party. But like I told Emo, Friday Night Lights is the best show on tv right now and there is only two people that can compete for my time when the other choice is watching Friday Night Lights. And even those two people would probably lose out. 

When the two episodes we watched had ended I got prepared to drive Megan home. Only living a block away, she had walked over. It was cold now, so I was driving her home. Not realizing that the car was going to be just as cold and would not warm up on the short drive. But without me making the decision to drive her home, hilarity would not have ensued. 

We walked outside and instantly I heard a peeing sound. I didn't think anything of it until I saw some guy just standing there with his back to us. He was standing in the grassy/weed area behind our house, just 2 or 3 feet beyond the parking lot.

"Who's that?" Asked Megan.

"I don't know," I said. I couldn't recognize him from the back at least.

"Is he peeing?" She asked.

"Think so."

We continued to talk about him until we got in the car. He had to have heard us, he was only 10 feet away. Not once did he ever acknowledge that we were there though. Didn't say anything. Didn't turn his head. Nothing. 

I turned my car on and with it the lights. Turning the lights on only confirmed that he was peeing. He was standing right in front of the car, so he now had a spotlight on him. 

So there we were. Me and Megan laughing in the car. Some random guy holding a cell phone up to his ear with one hand and his penis in the other. 

He still hadn't moved this entire time. He had to know we were there, unless he was blind and deaf. Then it came, movement.

The shake and zip. 

Quite impressive really, as all of this was done with one hand while he continued to stay on the phone. Or at least act as if he was on the phone. 

With the shake and zip over I at least expected him to turn around and acknowledge that we were there. But he didn't. He just stood there, with his phone to his ear. 

The show over with, I decided it was time to drive away. 

I've been doing some thinking and the whole thing is driving me crazy now. I know what I was thinking. Who is this guy? Why is he in our backyard? Why is he peeing in our backyard? Why is he acting like he doesn't know we are here? Why is he peeing and talking on the phone?

But what I want to know is what was going through his head at the time. It's driving me crazy. So if anyone has any information on the random guy that peed in the backyard of the house located at 676 E 600 N on Sunday night around 11 pm, please let me know. I have some questions for him. 

You Know What I Heard

Originally Posted:  October 18, 2007

Did you know that most web pages have this cool little button you can push that makes the page all printer friendly? Well there is. My email thingy has one too. Is this new? I've never noticed this phenomenon before. Or is it that I just never needed to print stuff until today?

Kid Rock, remember him? It appears as if he's back and that his new CD is selling quite well. What's it been, ten years since Kid Rock made that word up? Well, good for him. I look foreword to hearing from him again in 2018.

Speaking of crap coming back, remember Puddle of Mudd? If she didn't like you the first time, do you really think she will the second time? Apparently they do. And it seems as though other's agree, as the new CD is selling surprisingly well. What's wrong with people?

Did anyone see Mike, one of the kids on Kid Nation, cry like a little girl last night? Mike was one of the 4 leaders on the show. He's one of those little smart, socially awkward kids. You know the one I am talking about. It's the kid who thinks that just because he's smart, he's cool as well. He thinks everyone likes him. He doesn't actually know what a real friend is because no one will interact with him like that. Everyone thinks he's an idiot. You try to have a conversation with him and he pulls out some random fact about mitochondria, or some crap like that. No one likes this kid. Yeah, that kid, thats Mike. And if you think I'm judging this kid based on seeing him in 4 or 5 episodes of some faux reality show, keep reading and you'll see that I'm right.

So anyways, they had these elections to see if the kids wanted new leaders. No one was going to run against Mike. Then some random kid says, "Ahh, hell. I'll run against him." Now when I say random kid, I really mean random kid. This kid has never made an appearance in the show before. Other than maybe being in the background. He's certainly never said anything on the show before. Mike, thinking that he's cool and that everyone likes him, thought he had this thing sewn up. 

There is 10 kid's in Mike's red district, meaning that 10 kids would vote for their new leader, either Mike or some random kid named Guylan. No really, Guylan. He's home schooled, enough said. The outcome of the vote, 9-1 in favor of Guylan. My first thought was that it was nice to give Mike a pity vote. Then I remembered that Mike got a vote. I'm assuming that the one vote for Mike, was his own vote. What reason did these kids give for voting Mike out? Not one of them said he was a bad leader. In fact, not one of them even mentioned him as a leader. They said they just wanted a change, mix things up. Translation, they don't like Mike. 

The best part of all of this was how they read the votes. Mike's vote for himself was the second vote read. So by the time the seventh vote was read it was already a sure thing that Guylan was going to win. Mike being the smart guy certainly knew this. He started crying as soon as that vote was read. Every kid in there knew it too, as they all started cheering a little. Either the guy reading the votes didn't know, or he wanted to rub it in. He continued to read the final three votes, all for Guylan. After reading each vote they showed Mike's face. More and more pain and tears on Mike's face as each one was read. The kid was already crying, why did they make the decision to keep reading the votes? Hell, even Survivor stops reading the votes after it's assured as to who is leaving. I don't know why they kept reading the votes, but I'm glad they did.

It didn't end there. Mike then goes on to make some speech about how he's happy for Guylan and some other crap. The whole thing had an undertone of you guys are assholes. 

The only thing that could have made this better is if Mike would have voted for Guylan. If I was one of the producers of the show I would have said "screw it, Mike is not going to win, let's change his vote to Guylan." See this is why I should have my own show. 

Huh, I got a little carried away with the whole Kid Nation thing. I better stop here. 

One other thing, the last time I checked this whole Ellen thing is about a stupid dog. Unless that dog is fighting crime or helping kids stuck in wells, I don't want to see him on TV. 

And that, that's just what I've heard, and some of it I saw and some of it I just made up.

My Literary Genius

Originally Posted:  October 15, 2007

"You know how friendships go. It's only the very rare ones that last through the years. The rest fade over time into a distant memory that you occasionally look back upon and smile"

That's it. My literary life has peaked and probably just my life in general. I've never said nor will I ever say anything so profound/important. 

I realized the importance of it when I said it a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't realize the full importance. I didn't even say it, it was in a text. I've thought about it and I'm never going to top that. I've reached my literary peak at the age of 22. 

Why am I telling you this? Well the first reason is that only one person has seen my genius statement. So figured I might as well get it out there into the public. Second, there has been a lack of updates by me on here. That's because I've already hit my literary peak, so I figured what's the use. I have no where to go but down. I've now come to terms with that fact and will continue to do stuff regardless.

So there will be more in the near future. But if you've been reading me expecting something genius to come along eventually, (kind of like the 1,000 monkeys on 1,000 typewriters thing), you can stop reading. My literary genius has already come out. And it was in a freaking text message. 

I hate my life.

Justin, Clean the Couch

Originally Posted:  October 1, 2007

You want to know why Justin has to clean the couch? Because I looked in the couch cushions last night for 10 minutes. Why did I do this? Because I thought I heard a phone, that's why

You know how sometimes you think your phone is vibrating in your pocket? Then it turns out it wasn't and you were just feeling things. So you try to pull off the I was just checking the time thing. Don't try and act like this doesn't happen to you. I came across a Facebook group the other day related to this issue. There is about 5,000 people in the group. Everyone would be in the group except they thought their phones vibrated right before they pushed the join group button. Then by the time they realized it wasn't vibrating they forget what they were doing. 

Like everyone else, I too think my phone vibrates when it really isn't. It's gotten to the point that when I'm at work I take my phone out of my pocket and set it on the desk. It had just created too many problems. I was constantly pulling out my phone to see who was calling me or texting. Only to see that it was no one, again. I was taking my phone out and putting it back in my pocket so many times, the back of my hand was beginning to get raw from the constant rubbing on my pants. So I now just set my phone on the desk. But a new problem has arisen.

I now think I hear my phone vibrating all the time. 

I'll just be sitting there at work doing whatever it is that I do there and I'll hear my phone vibrate. I'll glance over at my phone. It's just a blank screen. Its not enough that the screen on my phone is blank. I have to pick the phone up and flip it open. I just have to make sure that the phone is not malfunctioning. Maybe I really did get a call or text and the front screen just chose not to show this. So far this scenerio has happened zero times. But one day, when it does happen, I will be ready.

So this takes me to last night. I'm at The Cube, in the living room, by myself, I think Family Guy was on, when all of a sudden.... UUUHH, RRRR, BBZZZ... What's the onomatopoeia for a vibrating phone? Whatever that onomatopoeia is, that's what I heard.

Now this was strange. My phone was downstairs in my room. I sat in a bewildered trance for a bit. I snapped out and just shruggred the faux vibrate off. 

(Insert onomatopoeia for vibrating phone here)

There it was again. This time I knew I had heard it. There is no way that sound wasn't real. But my phone was still downstairs. Where was it coming from? 

I thought. Then I thought some more. Laughed at a joke on the Family Guy, then immediately returned to thinking.

Then I realized something. The vibrating sound was a bit muffled. Almost like it was coming from the couch. It all made sense. There had been quite a large gathering over the night before. One of them must have lost their phone in one of the couches. This was my time to shine. I, yes I, was going to be a hero. I was going to find the phone and get it returned to the rightful owner. 

I started throwing off couch cushions. Stuck my hand in every crack and crevice. I couldn't find that phone. After about 10 minutes of this I realized something. There was no phone. It had been a day since anyone had been over. Surely we would have gotten word that somebody may have lost their phone at our place by now. I wasn't going to find any phone. 

The only thing I was going to find is all the crap we drop into the couch. And I found lots of that. The majority of this crap? Popcorn kernels. This means that Justin, yes you Justin, has the responsibility of cleaning out the couch. As he is the main culprit of the dirty couch.

Grammar Lesson:

Onomatopoeia: the formation of a word, as cuckoo or boom, by imitation of a sound made by or associated with its referent.

I'm Sick, Back Off

Originally Posted:  September 28, 2007

I hit some girl in the face with a football last night. And you know what, I don't care. 

That's what I love about being sick. You can do and say whatever you want and you just don't care. You can be as stupid as you want to be. You have free reign to be a jackass.

Like the other night when I threw my apple core out the front door at Justin. Then RJ mentioned that I threw like a girl. Sure I could have mentioned the fact that I had to throw like that or I would have hit the side of the door frame. Or that I was throwing the apple because Justin didn't shut the door all the way. But I didn't have to. All I had to say was, "I'm sick, back off."

It was probably the same day, but Justin was trying to read in his room. Matt and I didn't take to kindly to this. So we proceeded to bang on the wall that his room shares with the living room. "What jerks," you say. No, I was sick. I can do what I want. Matt on the other hand. He's going to have to come to terms with being a big jerk face. 

Not only is Matt a big jerk face for hitting Justin's wall, but he should have caught that football last night. Or maybe he shouldn't have pulled a Pradeep on Justin. Either way, he should have caught that football. Sure, he didn't know I was throwing it. But it hit him in the freaking arm, then ricocheted off of who's it and then hit what's her name in the face.

But you know what I don't care. I didn't even appologize. I didn't even feel like I needed to. I was sick. I'm still sick and I still don't care.

Mabye in a couple of days when I'm better I'll feel bad for hitting her in the face and feel as though I need to appologize. You know what, no. I won't ever feel bad. I still don't know who these people were. And when you just show up and give the sick kid crap, you deserve to be hit in the face with a football.

Of course I'm still sick, so maybe I'll feel the need to appologize for that comment in the near future.

My Dissapointment

Originally Posted:  September 21, 2007

I don't get excited much these days. It's too easy to be let down if you get too excited. If you set your expectations low it's easy to meet them, or exceed them. Some may call that pessimistic. I call it, I like to have a good time and it's easier to have one if you don't have expectations. Set the bar low and it won't take much to get over it, that's what I say. 

But every once and awhile something comes along and I can't keep myself from getting excited. I think the last time I was super excited was for that hot date I had. That was four years ago. But two months ago, the excitement came back. I was watching this commercial. It was for a little show that I like to call, and everyone else likes to call, Kid Nation. 

It looked too good to be true. Forty kids, one abandoned town, no adults, they are one their own. They either thrive or they die. Awesome. What could be better than this?

I went ahead and immediatly got a season pass to Kid Nation. I don't know if I've ever done that. I always watch a show at least once before I go and do something as drastic as getting a season pass to it. But with every rule there is an exception. Kid Nation seemed like the perfect exception. 

CBS tried to get some hoopla surrounding the show. There was a small controvery around it for some reason. Just a bunch of PR stuff really. I tried to stay away from this stuff. I was already excited enough without being surrounded by this stuff all the time. I wouldn't be able to contain myself if I payed attention to this stuff.

Wenesday, September 19, 2007, 7 pm. The time was here. Kid Nation was coming on. The day I had been waiting two months for was finally here. I was doing stuff Wednesday night, so I didn't get around to watching it until Thursday night though. 

And let me tell you. I'm pissed off. These kids aren't on their own. They split these kids into four groups of 10. They even had this little competition to decide who had what jobs. They give them these fully stocked stores to run. 

As far as I can tell, none of this was their choice. They were forced into making teams, forced into competition, forced into jobs and forced into running these stores. They are forced to go to these town meetings, where they are foced into telling some guy whether they want to stay or not. 

Really the show is just that one dude who keeps telling these kids what to do. These kids are just window dressing. 

I hate Kid Nation. I don't want to watch it again. That's why next week I'm going back to my old ways. Setting the bar low. That way when I watch Kid Nation next week, it'll be the best show ever.

My New Game

Originally Posted:  September 20, 2007

"The ball is in their court."

You may have heard the phrase tossed around a bit. I've been hearing it quite a bit recently. I used to think nothing of it. I've been doing some thinking and I've realized something. If you're just throwing the ball in someones court, you're playing the wrong game. What you should be playing is the dating version of football. 

Just merely rolling the ball in the other person's court is fine if you don't want to take any initiative or responsibility for what happens. But if you are playing the game correctly, somthing people rarely do, you have to do more than that. 

Throwing the ball is often the first step that people take. But often times people will just throw the ball and hope that it is caught. You have to give some sort of incentive for catching the ball. 

Occasionally the other person will be playing the same game as you and they want to win. That's incentive enough for them. 

Sometimes you may have to throw in some bonus for number of receptions and receiving yards. That would be the equivalent to a free meal, flowers, or various other gifts. 

Other times the other person may just like playing catch. Those games can be fun, but in the end you're left unfullfilled. 

There is times when it doesn't matter what you do. They just don't catch the ball. You have to examine the missed catch to dermine whether or not it's worth it to run an other play. Perhaps it was just a bad pass. Maybe outside distractions such as crowd noise or a great defender played a part. Maybe your play call was all wrong and you need to try running another play. And sometime you may just need to concede that the game is a lost cause. You can continue, but you'll just look like a jackass. This is one game where it is ok to just quit. 

Let's say they catch they ball. Many things can happen at this point. They can decide you suck and just fumble the ball. They can be tackled. At which point you will have to run another play. Make sure you give them the opportunity to be the quaterback this time. Perhaps they are able to run after that catch. Don't expect them to run it to the end zone by theirselves though. You gotta run up field and lay down some blocks. Maybe make a lateral pass or two. 

If you aren't ready for the big game you can just play catch. Get a feel for things. But still, you can't just throw the ball and hope they go get it. You have to give them a reason to catch it and throw it back. And if they are bad at catching, or you're a bad passer, you have to give them a reason to go get the ball and throw it back.

So quit just throwing the ball over and saying go get it and throw it back if you want. If you do you're both just going to sit there and look at the ball, thininking about how fun it would be to play catch. 

Now that I got that dreck out of the way, I can now move on to a comment Nate rececently made.

I wasn't really paying attention, but he said something about some girl telling him that he could get any girl he wanted. 

She told him this because there is a girl he wants, but maybe he can't have. She was trying to boost his confidence I guess. But how is that boosting anything? 

Telling someone they can get any girl they want because there is a girl they want that they are not getting isn't helping anyone. It's making it worse because appearantly they should be getting the girl they want. 

It may not be boosing their confidence either, but what you should be saying is, you can get 10% of any of the girls you want. At least that is true. 

Stay tuned tomorrow for my Kid Nation review. It's going to be good, nothing like what you just read. 

My I Should Be Writing Something Else, But I Don't Want To Web Log

Originally Posted:  September 19, 2007

That's right, I should be writng this thing for class, but I don't wanna. I got more important things to do, like this. 

When did Sunday become the new "it" day? Was there ever an old "it" day? Whether there was one before or not, Sunday has now become the "it" day. Why do I believe this? Just look at all the songs. I could go on for hours mentioning all the songs with Sunday in the tilte. That doesn't even count the ones that just talk about Sunday in the song. And then you have the songs that talk about the weekend. You know what day is part of the weekend? Yes, Saturday. But there is also Sunday. So there you have it. You can think of thousands of songs when it comes to Sunday. But when it comes to songs about the other days: Manic Monday. That's it. That's all I got. So either Sunday is just really cool or it's the fact that Sunday is easier to use in a rhyme than the other days. Either way, if you are looking into writing songs you might as well just stop doing stuff on the other days of the week. 

This is for all of those that went to Mr. USU last night. If you happened to advert your eyes while Emon came out in his swimsuit, you may have noticed the lone gentleman in the audience giving him a standing ovation. You may or may not have seen me sitting just three seats away from this young man. I am in no way affiliated with the gayness of his actions. Nor do I condone them.

One other note about last night. I hope you all learned an important lesson. When doing something that quite literaly takes no talent at all, there is a very fine line between awesomely entertaining and painstakingly boring and lame. If you were there you know what I'm talking about. If you weren't there, I hate you. Sorry, that's just the way it is. As for the fun time, there is only one thing that could have made that even better. A little Jermaine Stewart at the end. Imagine the ending with a little, "we don't need to take our clothes off, to have a good time" playing in the background. "We could dance and party, all night."

Speaking of dancing and partying. Am I the only one who was confused by the paint dance? I just didn't get it. 

Someone needs to tell me to stop wearing my white flip flops. They smell like poo. It's just that they are so comfortable. And it's that comfort that makes them smell. It's a vicious cycle really. 

You know what else is a vicious cycle? The fact that I keep writing just so I don't have to do my story thingy. And the fact that you are going to keep reading even though I haven't said anything of note, ever. 

Screw it, I'm done. I'm just going to find something else to do that doesn't involve writing my story.

My Driveway

Originally Posted:  September 6, 2007

I'm not going to use any names in this to protect certain said people. A lot of you are going to know who and what I'm talking about so feel free to leave names in the comment section. 

Let me explain how the parking at my place of residence works for those that don't know. In front of the house there is four parking spots. On both sides of those spots there is driveways that both go to the back of the house where there is about six more spots. I usually park in the back.

Now that you have an idea of how things work I can get to the story. 

I was running a little late to get to work today. I'm supposed to be there at 8. I didn't even leave the house until a few minutes after 8. None of that really matters though. I walked out the front door and I was immediatly angered. There was a car parked in one of our driveways that goes to the back. 

I don't know why this made me so mad. It just did. My first thought was to call the tow truck company and get the thing towed. I was furious. 

I was angered even further when I found out the background story behind the vehicle. 

Matt came into the office just a minute ago. Oh, umm it could have been Matt I dont' really know. Maybe it was maybe it wasn't, so don't assume it was him.

He or she, may have been Matt, asked me if I knew what time she left last night. Or maybe it was what time he left. I don't know. 

I had no clue what he was talking about. I guess I had gone to bed before he or she came over last night.

"8:10," said the person who may or may not have been Matt. 

I still didn't know who he was talking about so I asked. I'm just going to call that said person Dani, because that can be a boy's or girl's name. Although spelling it with an 'i' instead of 'ny' kind of gives it away. Although I think Danny Glover spells his name with an 'i'. Oh, nevermind. Just checked the sentece before this and it turns out he doesn't spell it with an 'i'. 

Anyways, this male or female Dani was there until 8:10 in the morning. Turns out that it was her car that was parked in the freaking driveway. Or maybe it was a male's car.

I was even more furious than I had been before. I was quite mad before, so you can imagine what I was like by this point. I was irate. Dani lives a freaking half a block away. What? Are you too lazy to walk? Appearantly. 

What if I had wanted to drive to work? Sure I could just use the driveway on the other side of the house and it would make much more sense for me to use this one based on where I'm parked. And who cares it it only takes me three minutes to walk to work. 

What if I had wanted to drive? What would you do then? Tell me to walk because it makes more sense? Well guess what? It makes more sense for you to walk as well. In fact, it makes more sense for you to walk than it does for me to walk. I have to walk like a full 45 seconds further than you do. 

Don't park in our driveway again. Especially when there is a real parking spot three feet to your right. Stupid bitch. Errr... Ummm.... Or asshole.

My Missing Something

Originally Posted:  September 4, 2007

Did you ever have one of those weeks? The good one. The one where, for the most part, everying goes great. Doesn't matter what you were doing, but everying was fun. Even when you were just sitting there. I had one of those last week. But now that I look back, somethings not there. There is a hole. Something was missing.

It was still a great week. I wouldn't take it back. There was just something more from the week that I needed. Looking back I can't figure out what it was. I have been able to figure out what it wasn't. 

Sitting on the HPER field with hundreds of people asking where others were, while waving their cell phones in the air, as I was getting stepped on while a movie plays in the background, that wasn't it. Watching the football team lose another game wasn't it either. Watching Matt play Zelda for 10 hours didn't fill the void. Neither did dressing up in my clothes that I call '80s clothes, but I'd really wear any day of the week.

I thought for sure this is what was missing from my week, but it wasn't.

I did go to Bear Lake on Monday. That's the first time I've been there since My Drive last summer. Maybe all the memories that came with that left the hole.

One thing I do know is that thinking about the void isn't going to help fill it. So maybe I should stop looking for the something. Let it find me. Or maybe I'll just run into it. Like yesterday when I lost my phone cozy. Then five minutes after I stopped looking, Bam! There it was in my pocket. 

I'm not saying that what I'm looking for is in my pocket. Although it would be easier to find it was. So I'm going to stop looking, because maybe it is staring me right in the face and I just can't see it. Or maybe it's looking for me and by searching for it, I'm out running it. 

Whatever it is that I'm missing, I don't care anymore. Perhaps that's what I've been missing all along. Leaving behind the feeling of missing something.

My Thoughts

Originally Posted:  August 31, 2007

I'm to lazy to stretch one topic into a long piece. So instead I'm taking the easy way out and writing very short pieces on various topics.

How hard is it to remember where you were just sitting 10 minutes ago? Especially when you didn't move more than two feet. 

I went to the football game last night. All in all it was a gay old time. I mean stellar, all in all it was a stellar time. Unlike Beck, I do have a complaint. And yes, I realize that no more than two people are going to get that reference. My complaint: Why can't people remember where they were just sitting? 

Now I don't know how the decision gets made as to whether you stand on your seat or the one front of you, as it is diffrent every game. Nor do I know who gets to make such a decision. However it happens, the decision is made and I'm all right with that. What I do have a problem with is when people can't remember which seat they originated from. 

Let's see if we can do a better job at this at the next game. The random guy I had to sit next to was annoying and he looked funny. However if forgetting what seat you originated from results in me sitting by a group of good looking girls than forgetting is highly encouraged. 

Appearantly Cafe Rio closes at 9 now instead of 10. I say this as if there was ever a time that it closed at 10. I say that fully aware that they are open until 10 on weekends. Then again, I thought they were open until 10 yesterday so who am I to say when Cafe Rio is open?

My TiVo messed up last night. It was supposed to recored Big Brother at 7. It just so happens that The Real World is on at 730. For some reason my season pass to The Real World is higher than the one for Big Brother. I need to change this. Big Brother is just like The Real World except it's competitive. And I never watch The Real World. 

But here was my problem last night. I checked to see why it didn't record Big Brother. It said it didn't record it because it conflicted with a season pass that had a higher priority. That season pass was for The Real World. I was mad, but I can deal with that. It's my fault for not ranking Big Brother higher than it is. I noticed that it didn't record The Real World either though, so I checked that as well. As we all know, The Real World is on 12 times a day. It didn't record the episode on at 730 because it already had recorded that episode within the last 30 days. So what did my TiVo record at 7 and 730. Absolutely nothing. 

So what's the point of me telling you this? It's the fact that I don't know whether Zach or Amber was voted off. I don't know who the new Head of Household is either. And I'm not about to go look up Big Brother on the internet. I'll watch it on TV but that is it. I guess I'll have to wait until Sunday.

I wouldn't be so mad if TiVo had actually recorded something. It's just the fact that it recorded nothing at all, when it could have been recording fine programs such as Big Brother. Darn you TiVo. You ruined my Thursday night. 

My Reunion

Originally Posted:  August 13, 2007

Usually I come away from family reunions with one thought. My family is weird and not normal. Not this year though. This year I came away realizing we are normal and not weird. My uncle Leon wasn't there this year, maybe that was part of it. But it was mostly the screwed up family camping next to us. 

Things started just like very other family reunion. The family started out being all weird. It started at the restaurant I went to on Thursday night when I arrived. It was a nice fancy restaurant. It was kind of out of place for the town of Glenns Fairy ID. There's only 1,500 people there. It's a winery place though. And for some reason wine is associated with high class. Hence the restaurant. There is no way the people in this town can support the restaurant. It's my guess that this place is only open on weekeds and holidays when campers flock to area for some reason. 

Now to the point. Right after I explain this one thing. I should have said all this earlier, but I'm a crappy writer and it didnt occur to me to fill you in on this stuff earlier. If I wasn't lazy I'd just redo this and add it into the first. But I'm lazy. This town, Glenns Fairy, is right on the Oregon trail and right next to the Snake River. I guess they crossed the river right there. And every year they do this little reenactment of the river crossing. 

Actually I probably didn't need to tell you that. Maybe it will come in handy later. Let's see how this goes. But for the restaurant story, it's not needed. 

Anyways, this is a very small restaurant. There is only about 10 tables. Seven of the tables were full the night we went. There was eight of us. That place was packed. The service wasn't the greatest. But when a place that is normally slow is packed that is to be expected. At least I expect it. Appearantly the rest of my family doesn't. For starters this was a fancy restaurant. Those places are already slow. 

Nevermind, the restarutant story is boring. I'll just give you the basics of the story. This lady was already having a nervous breakdown. Her service wasn't even that poor. I was just below average. My family riduculed and gave her crap the whole time we were there. Even when I was obvious that she had been crying in the back.

The next day we went to this sand dune. Notice I didn't say dunes. All it was was a single dune. We drove an hour from our camping spot for one dune. All because my foolish uncle had convinced everyone that you could sled down it. Well guess what? You can't. The only positive out of this journey is that I was able to impress everyone with my running up sand dune abilities. It wasn't enough that we couldn't sled down the thing. Everyone then proceeded to make excuses as to why we couldn't slide down it. There is no excuse. The only way this was going to work was if this thing was an ice dune. 

Later that day they had this parade for the river crossing tomorrow. Worst parade ever. No floats or anything. Here is the parade. Two cop cars, two guys on horses carrying flags, horse and wagon, 3 more guys on horses, horse and wagon, horse and wagon, one girl on horse, horse and wagon, one van that slipped in, and two cop cars to end the thing. That's it. It lasted like three minutes. My family thought it was so cool. 

Then everyone went to bed at 10. I had nothing to do. I ended up sitting in my car watching Eureka on my ipod. I had to sit in my car, 'cause my pod needed charged. 

The next morning was the crossing. We got front row seats for that. Sure we had to get there an hour early, but from what the random old guy sitting next to me said, this was going to rock. Four or five wagons crossing, indians chasing them and people waiting down the river in boats just in case a horse or somebody got away.

That isn't what we got though. One wagon crossing and that's it. No indians. Nothing. I'd tell you how dissapointed I was, but I think the old guy summed it up best when he said, "That's it? What the hell was that?"

I found out later that some guy or a team of horses or maybe both died last year, so they toned the crossing down this year. Still that thing was pretty lame, or so I thought. My family thought it was awesome. 

Just as I was thinking that my family was so weird and not normal I saw it. I had to walk past this kids that were at this other family renuion across the way. They were arguing over something. So like every other good American I stopped to watch. Someting was said about disrespecting grandma. Then a coupld of punches were thrown. Then few more punches. They started wrestling on the ground for a bit. They both got up and it appeared as if it was over. Just then this older guy came running up and shoved one of the kids on the ground. A little skirmish ensued. Then some more people ran over and were able to break up the fight. The shouting match started. A handful of explitives were thrown around. From what I was able to gather, the fight started because one of the kids said grandman talks to much and the other kid took offense to that. For some reason one of the original fighters took his shirt off during the shouting match. I thought this thing had turned into a take your shirt off contest. I thought about joining for awhile. During this whole thing people kept coming over from other camps telling these people to shut up.

Things finally started to die down. I thought this was all over. Our family even thought about starting our own fight and out doing them. 

I bit later I was on my way back over the bathroom. I passed these two little girls on my way. They were bickering over something. Childish bickering I thought. I was walking back from the bathroom. The bickering had escalated. One of the little girls had the other one by the hair and was rubbing her face in the grass. I heard someone scream one of the little girls names. Then some came running over and grabbed one of them. That's when the child smacking started. 

That family was screwed up and this whole thing was very boring. I appologize. It's just that I'm going to Disneyland later this week and I don't care. Plus I'm going to miss the killer party while I'm in Disneyland, so I'm dissapointed about that. So you're stuck with this crap. 

My Proposal

Originally Posted:  August 9, 2007

I decided I'm going to go see about writing for the school paper here at USU. I'm not going to call it by name. Mostly because I think it's a stupid name for a paper. Utah State School Newspaper would be a better name for it. Why do I suddenly want to do this? Mostly because I have nothing else to do. What do I want to do for it? I thought about it and it's whatever I want or nothing. It'll be a lot like these here web logs, just a little cleaner, more politically correct and fewer mistakes. I might actually care and read it over once before it goes up. 

I was going to go talk to them yesterday. I didn't want to. I'd go today, but I got to go pack and stuff after work. I won't be here tomorrow. So I figure I'll go Monday. Monday is good. Plus I figure I should write this thing in case they ask me to write somthing like it. 

But like I was saying before, I do whatever I want. I want to be able to write things like my boycott of Hairspray. Things about the bridge collapse. Although I would probably take a different angle on that one, as the one I took for my web log was pretty insensitive. My Hitler idea would have never crossed my mind for the paper. Like it did for my web log. Even I have morals though. Sometimes I want to be able to just talk randomly about numerous subjects. Maybe talk about the latest shows on TV. Problem with that though is that summer TV is clearly the best and there isn't much to say about TV other times, except To Catch A Predator. I could fill people in on my ongoing itunes addiction. Maybe even throw in some music reviews. 

I suppose that I can occasionally do some kind of real news story, when I feel like it. I don't feel like it much, but sometimes I do. 

Most importantly I'd be able to inject my mildly amusing perspective on various topics. Meanwhile mildy entertaining readers of the paper. That's what the paper needs, something entertaining. It's been lacking in that area for the most part. Every once and a while there is something entertaining in there. Ocassionlly you'll get an entertaining news story. You can't count on your news entertaining people though. You need a column in there that is meant to do one thing and one thing only, entertain. It can inform too, but it's main purpose should be to entertain. 

The paper has had those in the past, or I assume that's what those things were there for. I feel like they fell flat for the most part. As an example I'll use that guy that did the Geek Beat last year. Steve was his name I think. I found that only about one in four of those was worth reading. Sure the one that was good was really good, but the rest were just blah. I found that most people I talked to felt the same way about the Geek Beat. It's not Steve's fault either. He's a very good writer and is entertaining in his writing. He was in one of my classes and I always throughly enjoyed everything he wrote for the class. I see why he was chosen to write for the paper. His articles just fell short most of the time and I think I know why.

He was forced to write about geeky things. I'm sure there was times when he wanted to write things, but he felt he couldn't becuase it wouldn't fit with the name of his column, The Geek Beat. Sure the geeks were probably always entertained. I don't know for sure as I refuse to associate with known geeks. That's why I propose the I write the What's On Marty's Mind column. Or something of the similar variety. That tells everyone what the column is going to be about, but it's not restricting. I can write about whatever I want. That's perfect as that is what I want to do. It's hard to write about the same norrow topic and keep it interesting time after time. But without it being restricting I can keep it good. 

The only problem I see with my idea is that over time I will just end up writing about naked woman all the time.

My Random Thought That No One cares About

Originally Posted:  August 2, 2007

So that bridge collapsed yesterday in Minnesota. What a tragedy that was. I just don't see how something like this can happen. All those people on the bridge and I'm sure there was people around the bridge too. Yet not one of them got video of the actual collapse. All we have is video of the aftermath. That video is boring. All we really need is pictures of the aftermath. There is nothing that video can add to the aftermath that a picture can't do. What we need is video of the actual collapse. That's what I want to see and I'm sure everyone else wants to see. And to think, with cell phones these days nearly everyone has video capabilities. Even grainy video of the bridge collapsing is better than what we have, which is nothing. So I'm proposing that we put cameras on every bridge. To make sure this tragedy never happens again. 

Oh, nevermind. Turns out there is video, sort of. It's just some surveillance camera footage of the bridge collapsing. It isn't a continous thing though. It's just one of those cameras that takes pictures every second or so. Still it's better than what I thought we had, or didnt' have. The bridge isn't really centered in the frame. Poor camera work I say. But if we have surveillance cameras on bridges can't we get them on a continious loop?

Here is the video. http://youtube.com/watch?v=OKK7rWfEpe4
If you go to Yahoo you can watch the whole thing. I suggest going there so you can see the lady frantically running in front of the camera. Thats the best part. 

The problem is that the camera only takes a picture every second. So the lady more just scoots across the screen. But if we put good cameras on our bridges we could see this lady running at full speed. Imagine how much more hilarious it would be.

But at least we have some video. That's better than I previously thought. It took awhile for this video to surface. Hopefully we'll get some more video in the coming days. 

If anything, hopefully this tragedy helps people realize that we need good cameras pointed at every bridge. Let's not let this tragedy happen again.

Imagine if we had good video of this.

My Little Homosexual Foray

Originally Posted:  July 27, 2007

I've told a couple people about my tiny little foray into the gay lifestyle. There seems to be some confusion. That's why I'm here, to clear things up. 

Where to start? Seems like the beginning is a good start. 

I was at the grocery store. There was this guy. He kept turning up in the same aisle I was in. At first I just thought it was coincedence. Afterall, we were both shopping. After about 10 aisles I noticed that he hadn't put one thing in his cart. I caught his eye. I gave him a look that said, "hey, stop following me." He gave me a wink and did that little one eyebrow raise thing. I was so...

Oh sorry, wrong story. None of that ever happened. 

The movie Hairspray has been out for awhile now. I hear people say that it's pretty good. It's currently number three at the box office. It's gotten excellent reviews. All in all, everything points to it being a decent movie. I for one won't be seeing it and here is why.

It was a couple of days before the movie hit theates. I was watching some news show. One of the little segements was about a group of people that were going to boycott the movie Hairspray. It was a good little segment. It blew me out of the water really. This was the last group of people I expected to boycott such a movie. The homosexuals. 

The boycott makes a little sense I suppose. John 'Johnny T' Travolta is in the movie. For those that don't know, he is a Scientologist. I guess Scientologists have this gay boot camp type thing. I don't think it's anything like that really, but it's some kind of class thing where they try to turn homesexuals hetero. This enrages the homesexual community. So they decided to boycott.

When you look at it closer it's twisted logic. The director of the movie is gay. The homosexuals have used the same logic that attracts them to those that look like themselves to boycott a movie. They've turned their backs on one of their own and all because of some guy named Johhny T. 

But I got to thinking. I've never experienced the gay lifestyle whatsoever. This was a perfect opportunity. I was most likely not going to see the movie anyways. This was a non-homo part of the gay lifestlye as well. 

So there you have it, I've dipped into the homosexual lifestyle. But only in their boycott of the movie Hairspray. It's not going any further than that. Unless you want to count that grocery store experience. Oh wait. That didn't happen. 

I've been thinking about my boycott recently. And I've come to the conclusion that I'm the best person at being gay around. How can the gay community stay away from a movie that exudes so much gayness? A couple of them probably didn't go on Friday. But you know they were there Saturday. 

Not me though. I wasn't there. I won't ever be there. Because I am the best at being gay.

When it comes to the boycott of Hairspray that is. 

Me being 100% gay. Only with regards to the boycott though.

More Like Harry Gayer

Originally posted:  July 25, 2007

The last Harry Potter book hasn't even been out a week and it's already ruined lifes. People spending entire days reading, people wasting Friday's nights standing in line and people leaving the room when other's talk about the book because they haven't read it yet. It's already done so much damage. But not me. It won't ruin my life. Because there is just certain things I won't read or watch. 

Why would anyone want to read a book that has been or will be made into a movie? It doesnt' make sense. Why waste hours and days reading a book that someone has already/will nicely condense into approximately two hours? Sure they leave stuff out of the movie that was in the book most of the time. But that's because they junk in the book is just extra filler and fluff. You don't need extra filler and fluff. People get mad when TV shows and movies just add extra stuff that doesn't really do anything for the plot. Stuff that's just there to make an extra episode or make it longer. People hate that. But when it happens in a book they suddenly think it's gold. It's not people. It's not even bronze. It's poop. That's what it is. I trust Spielberg and company not Random House. 

That doens't mean that I've seen any of the Harry Potter movies either though. They just don't look good to me. They just look kind of gay. Harrey Gayer, I suppose. I'm not vehemently opposed to seeing the Harry Potter movies. It's just gotten to the point now where most everyone has seen at least one of them. It's kind of become my thing and now and I refuse to watch them. 

Those aren't the only movies I won't see just because I've never seen them before and most people have. 

I won't watch Lord of the Rings either. I did happen to read The Hobbit in 6th grade. And we watched some movie. But it was some crappy low budget crap fest.

Won't watch Star Wars either. I've seen parts of every episode I think, but I have never seen a whole episode. I came close once in middle school. We got to go to the local theatre and watch the first Star Wars that they re-made. I still don't know why we got to go. It was a reward for something we did in class I think. Anyways, I only made if halfway through that. Me and my friends started to get bored and we just started making each other pass out. Paul made a funny noise and the girls in front of us told on us. Paul ratted us out and we ended up in the lobby for the rest of the movie. 

It's usually only guys the get surprised when they learn that I've never seen any of the Rocky movies. I can't understand anything he ever says. Why would I want to sit there for 2 hours listenting to him mumble?

I have a problem with the Jurassic Park series. Unless he's big, purple and friendly, I'm not watching a buch of dinosaurs. So I refuse to watch them.

I used to be able to include Mission Impossible, Shrek and X-Men in this list as well. But then I went and saw the 3rd installments of each series for some reason. 

Oh, and I won't watch Spiderman either. 

Me not watching or reading Harry Gayer.