Sarah had torn her closet apart. Most of her clothes were now on her bed or on the floor. Except for the shoes on the floor, the closet looked bare. Only three items remained on their hangers. One of them was what she had been searching for. It was a sweater, a navy blue sweater. She put it on. It was big on her. The only thing that distinguished it from any other sweater was the Silver Bay Logging emblem stitched over her heart. Other than that it was a plain sweater.
It was her dad’s old sweater. Jerry used to wear the sweater all the time. When Sarah pictured her dad, she always saw him wearing the sweater she now had on. It was the last thing she had of the dad she knew, the dad she wanted to remember, not the man he had become.
The last time Sarah saw her father he gave her the sweater. It had been a year since that day. Jerry wanted it that way. He’d said so while standing on Sarah’s porch, holding the navy blue sweater. “Merry Christmas darling,” Jerry said. “I know you don’t like seeing me like this. And I don’t like you seeing me like this. Please. Just let me be. I can’t stay with you any longer. I need to go. Remember me how I was, not this.” He handed her the navy blue sweater. He didn’t leave time for Sarah to reply. He turned and walked away. Sarah wanted to call out to him as he walked. She couldn’t. She just watched him walk away. Jerry pulled a fresh bottle of vodka from his jacket, sipping it as he walked the two blocks to the bus stop. Sarah watched from her porch as he boarded the bus. Tears made black from mascara, ran down her face as she watched the bus pull off.
Officer Mullin’s alarm went of at 7 Christmas morning. He reached over to turn it off. He didn’t want to wake his pregnant wife. He crept out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom to get ready for the long day ahead.
Mullin hated being the rookie. He had joined the Seattle police department eight months ago. He was always taking crap from the veteran officers, so he wasn’t surprised to learn that he’d been given the Christmas day shift.
Having to work Christmas made him question why he left his job at the electronic store. It was his father in-law’s store. Mullin was poised to take over the store when he left. He’d always wanted to be a cop, so he left the store to become one. It didn’t take long for Mullin to figure out he wasn’t cut out to be a cop. He’d always regretted his decision.
Mullin stopped at the front door his apartment before leaving. A small plastic tree sat on the coffee table. Two presents lied underneath the tree, one for him and one for his wife. This was supposed to be their first Christmas together. Work had taken that from them. He was glad they didn’t have kids, not yet at least. He wanted to go back to the bedroom, wake his wife, kiss her and tell her he loved he. He didn’t. He didn’t want to wake her. She needed her rest. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked at the tree. He opened the front door. Being careful not to make a sound as he closed it behind him.
The sun began to rise as Mullin pulled out of his driveway and headed for the police station.
Sarah walked out the bedroom, down the hall and into the kitchen. Brad was already in the kitchen, placing a turkey in the oven. Sarah stood and watched him before she spoke.
“Morning honey,” Sarah said. “Merry Christmas.”
“Hey babe.” Brad looked up, noticing the sweater. It wasn’t the usual form-fitting tops Brad had grown accustomed to her wearing. “Silver Bay Logging. Isn’t that the company your dad worked for?”
“Yeah, it is. It’s the last thing he gave me before he left. Which reminds me, my dad called. He’s coming over.”
Brad set two plates on the table. He put his hands on the edge of the table and hunched over, hung his head and let out a sigh. “Your dad? He’s coming over? I thought he didn’t want to see you anymore.”
“He sounded sober on the phone, he said he’s trying to change. He’s coming back, my dad, the dad I knew. He’s coming back. I knew he’d come back.”
“Don’t get too excited. You know your dad.”
Sarah did know her dad. She remembered the kind caring man, the man who loved his daughter Sarah more than anything. They were all each other had. Jerry was an only child, so was Sarah. Jerry’s parents were deceased, so was Sarah’s mom.
Sarah was only five, but she sill remembered the day her mom died. It was Jerry’s 30th birthday. A surprise party had been planned. Maria, Sarah’s mom, had driven to Spokane to pick up Jerry’s parents. On their way back one of their front tires blew. The car flipped three times before coming to rest. They never picked Sarah up after school. Jerry had to pick her up and tell her the news.
Since then it had been Jerry and Sarah. Jerry was able to give Sarah a good life. His job paid well. Money was never a problem for the father and daughter. He worked at a logging company, Silver Bay Logging. It wasn’t the safest job. He saw countless men injured on the job, some killed. Still, the thought of quitting never crossed his mind. The job allowed him to provide his daughter with the life he thought she deserved. He stayed for Sarah. Everything Jerry did was for Sarah.
Mullin sat outside the police station inside the squad car. He couldn’t go anywhere. Not until his partner Felix arrived. Finally, Felix pulled in, thirty minutes late. He joined Mullin in the car.
“Sorry,” Felix said. “It’s Christmas, had to watch the kids open a few presents.”
“How do you do it?” Mullin asked. “Work on Christmas, leave the wife and kids. I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Duty, kid. Someone has to do it. I’ve been working Christmas for 11 years now. You can’t look at it as leaving your family. You gotta look at if from the city’s point of view. We don’t work Christmas and the city goes to hell. Block that other stuff out. Now lets get going.”
“I wish I could block it. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this like you are.”
The day Felix had to draw his gun and shoot a man, Mullin knew he wasn’t cut out to be a policeman. Mullin hadn’t pulled the trigger, but standing next to Felix as the man fell to the ground, Mullin felt as if he had shot the gun. The man had pulled a gun on Mullin and his partner. Still, Mullin couldn’t stomach it as he watched the man collapse on the ground.
Mullin couldn’t just leave the force though. He had paid so much for the police academy. His father in-law was unhappy when Mullin left the store. He wanted to go back, but Mullin didn’t know if his father in-law would take him back. He couldn’t bring himself to ask. He felt stuck.
Sarah’s favorite memory of her dad was the time he dressed up as Santa Claus. Jerry waited too long to buy his costume. His beard was brown. That was the only color the costume shop had left. He hadn’t bothered to put padding in his suit. He was the skinniest Santa Sarah had ever seen. He barely resembled Santa at all. Sarah had woken up early Christmas morning, sat by the Christmas tree and waited for her dad to wake. Jerry came in with a Santa costume draped over his body, Santa hat, brown beard, and sack of toys slung over his back.
That’s the way Sarah remembered her dad, the jovial man who loved her more than anything. That Jerry went to work three years ago and never came back.
Silver Bay Logging never told Sarah what happened. They just said Jerry had been involved in an accident. Sarah only knew what the doctors told her. Jerry was lucky to be alive, they said. Jerry had suffered severe brain damage. He lay in a coma for months. When Jerry came out of the coma, he still had to be hospitalized for another two months.
Jerry’s accident had left him and Sarah in financial ruins. Jerry’s hospital bills were outrageous and insurance only went so far. Jerry’s savings were drained, so was Sara’s college fund. Silver Bay Logging sent money, but not nearly enough. They only saw Jerry as another reason to set their ‘number of days without an accident board’ back to zero. The house had to be sold. Jerry had gone from a semi-luxurious life to being homeless. They would have been forced to roam the streets if Brad, who Sarah met while Jerry was in the hospital, hadn’t taken them in.
Things were slow for Mullin and Felix. It was Christmas; things would probably remain slow, Mullin thought. Felix was ready for the lull. He brought some playing cards. He knew where the gas station was that never closed. This obviously wasn’t his first Christmas shift. The two men were playing poker, sipping their coffee and eating their snacks, when a call finally came in.
“We need a unit to mile marker 318 on the I-5 headed south. Man on the freeway, running through traffic. Traffic has come to a stop and he’s vandalizing several cars”
Without a word said Mullin turned the siren on, pulled out of the gas station parking lot and headed to the freeway entrance. It only took them five minutes to arrive at the scene. They were the first patrol car there. Traffic had come to a stand still, both ways. One direction stopped because of the man running in the road, the other direction moving very slowly, trying to get a look.
Mullin wove through traffic until he was 100 feet away from the man. He stopped the car, the lights still flashed. Mullin and Felix exited the car. The man didn’t take notice of their arrival.
Brad set another plate at the table. There were three of them now. He checked the turkey before grabbing some silverware. Not much longer, he thought. He went to the drawer and grabbed the silverware. He wanted so much to believe that Jerry was coming. He knew how much it would mean to Sarah. He couldn’t believe it though. The Jerry he knew wouldn’t come.
Brad never knew Jerry before the accident. The Jerry Brad knew was a statue with glazed eyes. He rarely spoke anymore. He might as well have remained in the coma. Except when he was drunk. When he was drunk he was a completely different person.
The booze would bring Jerry out of his comatose state. When he was drunk he became crazed. He’d run around, curse and throw things. He’d often times leave the house. The police would bring him back a few hours later. Jerry would sober up; apologize for his actions and leave again to find more booze. Jerry left for good one day. He gave Sarah a sweater before he left.
Sarah was able to find out Jerry slept under an over-pass. She’d go occasionally, hoping to see her dad. She never found him. She’d leave money with one of the homeless men who said they knew Jerry. She knew he’d probably never see the money, but she felt better leaving it there.
“Looks like he is hitting the cars with a belt,” Mullin said.
“It’s an old man,” Felix said. “You should be able to handle this one newbie”
Felix stopped, letting Mullin continue towards the man by himself.
“Sir, I’m going to need you to put the belt down,” Mullin yelled. The man paid no attention to Mullin’s warning. He didn’t even glance in Mullin’s direction. Mullin’s words only seemed to incite the man more. He started striking a car repeatedly. Bright blue paint chips flew through the air each time he struck the car with the metal buckle of his belt. He struck the windshield. Glass crackled with each hit. Muffled screams came from the lady inside the car. She moved from the drivers seat to the back, her crying baby now in her arms.
“Sir, put the belt down!” Said Mullin. He began running towards the old man, trying to get the old man’s attention off the car and on him. It worked. The old man turned to face Mullin. Having gotten the man’s attention Mullin stopped. Ten feet separated the two. They both stood there, staring each other down. Mullin took a step towards the man. Mullin heard the whoosh of the old man’s belt as it cut through the air between the two men.
“Pull your gun Mullin!” Said Felix.
“I don’t need my gun, Felix. I got it! All right sir, put the belt down.” The old man didn’t respond. His eyes were glazed over, almost as if he was looking right through Mullin. “Or just stand there and don’t move.”
Mullin began to approach the man, hesitation in each step. The old man didn’t move. With each step Mullin became less and less hesitant. Mullin reached for his cuffs as he continued his way towards the man.
WHOOSH!
“Maybe he isn’t coming,” Brad said. “You know your dad.”
“No,” Sarah said. “He said he’d be here. He meant it. I could tell. My dads coming, he’s coming back. He has to.”
“I believe that he meant it. But you know your dad. He probably got drunk and forgot. Probably passed out somewhere. You need to let go honey. The dad you knew isn’t coming back. His still looks the same, but the dad you knew isn’t coming back. You need to let go of the idea that one day the dad you knew is coming back. You know, sometimes I can’t help but think, you’d be better off if he, if he had died that day.”
Sarah wanted to scream. She wanted to hit Brad. She couldn’t. She was angry. Not at Brad, but at herself. Brad was right. She knew it. She’d always known it. She wouldn’t admit it, but she knew that her life would be better if her dad was dead. The dad she knew was dead, but as long as the man she once knew as dad still walked the earth she couldn’t let go. She wanted to let go, but she couldn’t.
The smell of burnt turkey drifted into the living room. Brad left to go check the oven. Sarah sat in the living room and waited. Waiting for her dad to arrive.
Mullin couldn’t avoid it; the buckle of the old man’s belt struck him in the chest. Mullin staggered away. He doubled up, trying to catch his breath. The blow to his chest made breathing difficult. Mullin glanced back towards the old man. He stood there as if he had done nothing, the same glazed look in his eyes.
“Damn it Mullin, pull your gun!” Said Felix. Mullin turned his head and looked up at Felix, who was running towards him with his gun drawn.
“I got it,” said Mullin. Mullin put his hand up to stop Felix.
Mullin stood back up straight, his breathing still labored from the blow. He placed his hand on his holstered gun. “Put the belt down,” he said. The only movement Mullin saw from the old man was the tears that ran down his cheeks. Mullin pulled his gun out. “Damn it sir. Put the belt down.” Mullin pointed his gun straight at the man’s chest. “You want me to use this?” More tears poured down the old man’s face. Mullin kept his gun locked on the man as he approached him.
WHOOSH!
Mullin was able to jump back this time, narrowly missing another blow from the belt. The belt had missed Mullin. The blood didn’t miss
The blood hit Mullin’s face like warm rain. Blood speckled his face and uniform. Mullin dropped his gun as he watched the old man collapse. Mullin stared at the old man lying on the ground, a bullet wound in his chest.
“Nice work, Mullin,” said Felix. Felix placed his gun back in his holster. He bent down and picked up Mullin’s gun. “Dropped this.”
“How long are you going to sit here and wait honey?” Brad asked. “The turkey burned. I put some pieces of chicken in. They’re almost done, if you want to come have some.” Brad exited the living room, leaving Sarah there by herself.
Sarah got up and looked out the window, thanks dad. She turned and started heading towards the kitchen to join Brad. Just as she left the living room, she heard a car pulling into the driveway. Sarah ran back to the window and looked out. It was a police car.
“Stay in the car Felix,” Mullin said. “I need to do this.” Mullin got out of his car. He didn’t look like a policeman. He still had the shoes, pants, and belt on, but his shirt was plain white. Mullin didn’t have to go to the front door, he was happy he didn’t. A woman came out to meet him.
“Is my dad in there!” Said Sarah.
The policeman stared at Sarah. Sarah recognized the glazed look. The policeman reached into his pocket and pulled out a bus ticket and a Silver Bay Logging ID. He handed them to Sarah.
“He’s not coming,” said the policeman.
Mullin reached his hand up and ran it through his hair. His hand pulled the hair back from his forehead. Two specks of blood were revealed. The woman’s eyes darted to his forehead. He didn’t know what else to say to the woman.
“You don’t need to say it,” said Sarah.
Tears began to form in the policeman’s eyes, Sarah’s as well.
The woman’s words echoed in Mullin’s head. You don’t need to say it. He wanted to say more. He couldn’t find the right words. He just stared at the woman. Tears streaked both of their faces. Mullin dropped his head, shaking it as it dropped. Without a word, he returned to his car.
Sarah watched as the police car backed out of her driveway. She glanced down at the bus ticket in her hands. She looked back up. The police car now out of sight. She could see the bus stop, the stop where the holder of the ticket was supposed to get off. Sarah nodded as she looked down the street at the bus stop.
Sarah walked back to her front door, closing it behind her as she walked back in her house.
