A CD Marty Won't Be Buying

I wrote the title before I went and did any research. Turns out I'm tempted to buy the CD. To be more correct, CDs. I just can't bring myself to do it. Which is saying a lot. When I can't be talked into buying a CD, that means it really, really sucks. I buy a lot of crap. 

I was watching TV yesterday. RJ was watching Josh and Drake on Nick. He left about 5 minutes into it, but I couldn't change the channel. I had to see what happened. It was actually a fairly good episode. Drake accidentally got punched by this nerd and given a black eye. Rumors started that Drake was talking trash on the nerd's sister, so the nerd punched him. The nerd went with the rumors, as they were now making him the cool kid. Drake was looked at as a loser now. I'm not going to ruin the ending for you. You'll have to watch. 

I will tell you what happened to Josh though. The girl who Josh just broke up with was always hanging out with this other guy. Josh assumed this guy was her new boyfriend and that she was bringing him around Josh to make him jealous. This new guy was awesome. He wrote a book in 7th grade, was on Oprah and the President called him once. Josh got mad and confronted his ex. Turns out the dude is just her cousin. Josh then realized his faux pax. The episode ends with them making out. 

I'm not here to talk about Josh and Drake though. What I'm here to talk about is one of the commercials I saw. I really need to start watching commercials more. I get a lot of good material from commercials. Like the time I saw themale guard. TiVo has stifled my writing career. 

One of the commercials I saw got me excited. Family Matters is coming back to TV. So now Jill can rectify her childhood by watching it. I also did some research and it turns out the movie with Tom Hanks and Reginald VelJohnson, better known as Carl Winslow, the dad from Family Matters, is Turner and Hooch. It is a Tom Hanks movie, not whoever Mary thought it was. (Jill, I can't tag Mary in this note as we are not friends. Please tell her I mentioned her.) Hanks and VelJohnson are police partners in the movie. A dog also plays a pivotal role in the movie. As an added bonus, Craig T. Nelson plays the police chief. 

I'm not here to talk about that commercial though. I'm here to talk about Kidz Bop 14. I'll just give you a brief overview in case you don't know what it is. If you want more info, ask Justin. He seems to have a lot of info on Kidz Bop for some reason. 

All Kidz Bop is, is kids singing hit songs. Not the bands that originally sang the song, kids. I don't get it. 

I went and checked out kidzbop.com, so I would know that I was talking about. I kind of felt like Chris Hansen would be walking into the room any minute and asking me what I was doing as I browsed around the site. 

After browsing the site, i checked itunes to see if I could listen to some sound clips. I had heard some of the songs on the commercial, but the stupid guy was talking over them, so it wasn't the same. To my delight you can find Kidz Bop music on itunes. I listened to a few songs. I was pleasantly surprised. They were actually kind of good. In a weird way. I couldn't get over the pedophiliac nature of the songs though. And the fact that they have an ensemble of kids on all the choruses. 

I don't know who buys this crap. Apparently someone is though. The commercial I saw was for Kidz Bop 14. That means there was 13 that preceded it. It gets worse. There is more than 13. There was: Kidz Bop 80s Gold, Kidz Bop Country, Kidz Bop Gold, More Kids Bop Gold, Kidz Bop Christmas, The Coolest Kidz Bop Christmas Ever, A Very Merry Christmas Kidz Bop, Kidz Bop Halloween, Kidz Bop Hanukkah, A Kidz Bop Valentine and Kidz Bop Sports Jamz. 

I'm not counting those, because I'm not lame, but that is a lot of Kidz Bop crap. Stop buying this crap or this is never going to end. 

The worst part of Kidz Bop 14 is the guest "artist". He isn't an artist. He's a loser. I know he's a loser because he was homeless and living on the street a few years ago. "But Marty, he believed in his music dream so much that he was willing to live on the street until he made it." Shut up, you're an idiot. He didn't believe in his dream. He quit on his dream so he could get off he street. He took advantage of a crappy music system that allows you to just steal a song and turn it into a hit. He knew he wasn't going to make it with his music, so he quit his dream and stole a song. 

He stole one of the greatest songs of all-time, the only song to be in the top 10 in two different decades. All he did is say "beautiful girl" and "suicidal" a few times and somehow this made it to the number one song. Are you retards? That songs sucks ass. Sean Kingston knows it sucks. Why don't you? You must be the idiots out there buying Kidz Bop. 

At least Sean knows he is a no talent. He's trying to cash in while he can. If he had real talent he would not be appearing on a CD that has little kids singing hit songs by real artists. 

The only redeeming quality of that suck ass song is that now I can say that "Stand by Me" is the only song to chart in the top ten in three different decades. But If I do that I also have to admit that pile of ass exists. 

What's next Sean? "Under the Boardwalk" and "My Girl" have some catchy bass lines. Throw in some "pretty girl"s and "depression"s and you have yourself a hit. 

Really people? Number one. That songs sucks ass. You people sicken me.

Lost Kids

For the first time ever I have nothing to say. I thought about finding 'S' on Craigslist, but I'm too lazy to look it up right now. 

Lost children, some lady just came into the Card Office here, she lost her son. A 13 year old autistic boy. I'm sure they will find the kid, he's probably just wandering around in the building here somewhere. She is currently talking to campus police, so maybe I can keep you informed as I write this. Right now they got pretty much the whole building looking for the kid. 

From the sounds of the lady, she just wasn't paying attention to the kid. She said he was upset and that he was lagging behind her and her other son. She lost sight of him and now she can't find him. 

Losing your kids seems to be all the rage these day. Just the other day a Guatemalan lady abandoned her 2 year old son in a Wal*Mart. She took him to Wal*Mart and made sure he wasn't with her when she left. Apparently she was unable to take care of the kid, so she assumed Wal*Mart could do it. She was responsible about the whole thing though. She gave her kid a backpack with water and snacks in it. You know, because 2 year olds are smart like that. 

We now have an alert for missing kids, the Amber Alert. Two problems with the alert. I know that the alert is named after a girl named Amber that went missing once. It's also a color though. The terror threat level uses colors. Every time I hear about an Amber Alert I get freaked out. I think the terrorists are attacking. Then I realize it's just some missing kid. Then I start looking for little kids. Which is really no different from any other time. At least call it the Sarah Alert, so people don't get it confused with terrorism. 

The other problem is that Amber is a girls name. I hear that an Amber Alert is on and I start looking for a little girl. It could be a boy though. They need an Amber Alert and an Alex Alert. This needs to happen, for the children. 

All this talk about missing children, reminds me of the time I went missing. I think I was 4 or 5. I don't remember much at all. Most of what I do remember, is from what other people have told me. 

Fortunately for me, I got lost at the happiest place on earth. Of course I'm talking about Disneyland. I was also with my older brother who was like 10 or something. 

It was the beginning of the day and everyone was going on Splash Mountain. My brother and I were sissies at the time so we didn't go. Somehow we got lost while waiting for everyone to get off of the ride. 

We spent the whole day at Disneyland by ourselves. I lived every kids dream. I don't actually know, but I assume we went on rides and stuff.

The only part that I actually remember is me and my brother walking around in the parking lot as the sun set looking for the car. Everyone was there waiting. You'd of thought the whole thing was planned. No one was even worried. 

I probably have some deep emotional baggage from that event. I just haven't realized it yet. 

Marty's Stumble Down Memory Lane

I was doing my daily listening to the Adam Carolla show yesterday. He was doing something he doesn't normally do. One of his old high school buddies has been in the studio filming something for the last week. Adam doesn't know exactly what he's filming, he just said yes, he could film.

They call the guy the Weeze. Anyways, they've had him on a couple times in the last week just talking about random stuff. Yesterday they talked about their past together. A little trip down memory lane. 

For some reason as they were talking about their past adventures, I was reminded of something. I remembered this stupid online journal/diary thing I wrote in a couple of times in my senior year of high school. That may not seem like a long time for some of you, but I'm old. That was 5 years ago. 

Somehow I was able to find the site they were on. I only wrote 15 of them, but they were a good 15. Most of them were just about what I did throughout the week. I did some pretty cool stuff back then. It was nice to relive all of it. 

My favorite part of all them was the fact that I used first and last names for everyone. I guess when I wrote them I assumed I would read them one day and maybe not remember who I was talking about. I was right, I would have. Having the last names was awesome. I remembered everyone. 

It is now my goal to start writing in there again. If only so I can read them again later on down the road. I've forgotten so much, but just reading those few posts brought so much back. Even stuff I didn't write about. It seems weird to do, but I'm going to keep writing out full names. 

Like I said, mostly the posts/entries were just me saying what I did. There were some of my feelings in there also. And apparently I used to try and write poetry. Nearly every post has a crappy poem I tried to write. I forgot that I ever tried to write poetry. I'm going to start again. 

But the best part of what I wrote, besides the first and last name thing, is when I listed the girls that I currently liked. I used to like a lot of weird people. My favorite was the girl you would think I was in love with by the way I wrote about her. 

I was obsessed with this girl. The problem is that she had a boyfriend. That didn't stop us from making out once. Which looking back, probably didn't help the fact that I apparently couldn't get over here. There were about 4 straight entries where I just gushed about her in part of the entries. 

Then came one post that caught me completely by surprise. I couldn't keep myself from laughing as I read it. Not just a chuckle. I had tears coming from my eyes I was laughing so hard. 

The post started out with me saying how much I hated this girl that I had previously professed my love for. I wrote that I couldn't stand being within 5 feet of her.

The reason for this, because she stunk one day. Maybe she just stunk a little, but I wrote about her stink like it was the worst thing ever. Looking back now, I may have just made the stink up. I remember hearing from someone once that she stunk. Maybe I just chose to believe this so I could get over her. 

Either way it worked. I had gotten over her because I had convinced myself that this girl smelled like poo. 

Or so I thought I had gotten over her. Three entries later I was professing my lover for her once again. 

That story alone is why I'm going to start writing in there again. I had completely forgotten about that whole thing. I'd forgotten that I even liked that girl, let alone that I was in love with her. 

There were other great stories in there, but I don't want to mention those right now. 

Well, I'm going to go write in my online diary. Gay, I know, but in 10 years, I'm going to have something really cool to read.