Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Marty's Take On Batman

People always obsess over the new. It's the ADD society we live in. Whatever is the latest, is the coolest. Remember Pogs? Remember when people first learned about 'Family Guy'? It's still just as funny. What about 'The Office'. Is it really not as good as it used to be or is it just not new? How about 98% of the crap on the radio? Seems good for the first few months right? None of it holds up though. I seem to remember a little thing called "I'm Rick James bitch". How come no one says that anymore? It's not new and fresh anymore. 

Sure, the cool stuff holds up. It does come back down to earth though. Michael Jackson, he was huge in the 80's. He could do whatever he wanted and he did. Now, he's not so cool. His songs are still good though. No matter how many kids he serves Jesus Juice to. Hell, if it were possible, I would have had sex with my TiVo when I first got it. But eight years later, I'd probably stop after a little making out. 

Sure Batman was good, but it wasn't 'freak out' good. Most people would have sex with the movie if they could. I wouldn't. I'd probably just undress it with my eyes a little. I'd stop before I got the movie naked. Weird birth marks would start to be seen as articles of clothing come off. Those weird birth marks are the defects in the movie. And there are quite a few. 

Give it time, and Batman hoopla will die down. People won't want to have sex with it anymore. They'll just want to make out with it a little. As for me, I'll finally be able to act as if it never existed. I don't mind birth marks, but when the movie is covered in them, we have a problem. 

Yeah, it's probably going to go down as the Best Comic book movie ever. But is that really any kind of accomplishment? Sure the movie was good, but it isn't really worth talking about in my mind. I only bring it up to bring some of you back down to earth. It's just not that good. 

Problem one and as many other problems I feel like mentioning at this point. It's 2 1/2 freaking hours long. It doesn't need to be. I seriously felt like I watched 2 movies after seeing it. It's not the fact that it was long that makes it seem like 2 movies in one. The whole Two-Face thing, that's it's own movie. As it is, it seems forced in there. It's like they had a circle, but the only hole they could find was a square. Sure, the circle went into the square whole eventually, but it left the circle deformed. 

Take out the last half hour of the movie and no one complains. In fact, the movie is better if you do that. 

Four times, I thought the movie was over. Four times, I was wrong. The first time I was fine with it. The second, third and fourth times, I was pissed. It just kept dragging on and on. And when it finally did end, it was bout 'effing time. 

No one understands what's really happening. Even after multiple viewings people are still confused. I've heard countless people say, "I didn't really know what was going on, so I just started watching it for the cool stuff. Then I went again." 

They still don't get it after that. I'm all for having stuff in a movie that you won't really get in one viewing. That's part of what makes movies good, rewatchability. But if I have to watch a movie again to understand the main plot of what's going on, not only am I not going to do it, doing so would be retarded. If you didn't get it the first, second or third time, why the hell would you know what's going on the next time?

The plot problem could probably be fixed by not trying to jam two stories into one. The way it is though, you're not sure what stuff goes with what story line. Like when they randomly just throw in foreshadowing for second contrived story that deserves it's own movie. It's confusing. 

The movie is visually stunning, I'll give it that. I did see it in Imax though, so maybe that clouds my judgement a little. If I want something visually stunning, I'll just watch Planet Earth. At least I can understand Planet Earth. Like the time that crazy bird just danced around so he could get some chicks. I knew exactly what was going on. Not to mention it was hilarious. Or better yet I'll just walk outside if I want something visually stunning. 

The movie also seems to suffer from what I call the Indiana Jones problem. It's the 'we havnen't blown enough stuff up or had enough people running around for no real reason yet' problem. Compared to Indiana Jones, Batman barely suffers from it. But there is still a lot of stuff that just happens just because they can do it. 

Those are just a few of the problems with the movie. It's not like they are huge problems. The movie is still a 7.5 or maybe an 8 tops. My biggest problem with the movie is that people have blown it out of proportion and given it like a 12. 

Another thing. 

Does anyone realize that per minute, the movie costed 1.2 million? 152 minutes of movie, compared to a budget in the area of 180 million. A figure that is made even more ridiculous when you think about the fact that at least 30 minutes of the movie could have been cut out, without ruining anything. As I've mentioned before, the movie would be made better if certain crap was taken out. They could have taken the 30 million plus saved and put it towards the sequel. 

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