Monday, January 14, 2008

My Water Bottles

Whenever there is a basketball game I always bring along some water.  Saturday was no different.  I always take at least three bottles and I've take as many as six before.  I'm still amazed I was able to fit six into my coat.  On Saturday I took three, two of which ended up on the hood of Hottie's Jeep.  

In hindsight I should have take four bottles.  I ran out of water for the stretch run of the game.  I had to watch the last ten minutes waterless.  I thought I was good though.  I went to the line with a Jamba.  A line I got in at three for the 7 O'clock tip.  

I thought a Jamba would be able to replace two water bottles, since it takes me two hours to drink one for some reason.  The Jamba was only able to replace 1 1/2 bottles.  I miscalculated by half a bottle.  

(This isn't really pertinent at all, but I'm going to mention it anyways.  Some of you may remember the how to guide I did for my ipod game Phase.  Well I've been playing it for months on hard trying to unlock the expert difficulty.  I'd never been able to do it.  I played it once when I was standing in line for the game.  I passed it.  I passed it with ease.  It's funny really.  I can't pass it from the comfort of a chair, but I have no problem passing it with people all around me pushing in every direction.)

So the game ends and like a good patron I pick up my water bottles to throw them away.  Only I forgot.  I found myself outside of the Spectrum with two empty water bottles still in hand.  The only thing I could think to do with them is bang them together.  The noise they made as I hit them together cause quite a racket.  Most people nearby looked as though they were going to hit me if I didn't stop.  So I stopped. 

Banging the water bottles together made me want some ThunderStix.  I spent the next five minutes talking about how we should get ThunderStix at the basketball games.  I don't want to use them at the game though.  There is no use for them during the game.  It can't get any noisier in there.  I just want some ThunderStix.

When I got done talking about my ThunderStix, a conversation that I was the only participant in, I still had the two water bottles.  It had gotten to the point now where I was just going to have to take them home to throw them away.  But then a place to put/throw my water bottles found me.  

Some douche in a Jeep was exiting the parking lot we were walking through.  I already thought the guy was a jerk because when the car in front of him stopped to let some people walk by he didn't stop until he was about a foot away from the car in front of him.  The car in front of him pulled out in the street.  We took the opportunity to cross in front of the Jeep.  

Still in form the guy was still a douche.  He didn't stop.  He kept driving forward.  Nearly hitting my lady friends.  I nonchalantly tossed one of my water bottles over my head, hoping to hit the Jeep.  I wasn't sure if I had hit it or not, so I turned around and just threw the other right at the Jeep.  I got it that time.  

We continued our way across he street when the guy pulls up beside us.  He said some stuff about kicking my ass, something about f'ing me up and something about him being crazy.  I just stood there looking at him.  The only thing I could think about was, damn, this guy is fat.  It was quite hilarious really.

His fat wife/girlfriend/escort/prostitute or whoever she was made the situation even more hilarious.  She kept trying to roll the window up.  It was great.  

Finally the guy drove off.  I bent down and picked up the first thing I could find.  It was a nice piece of snow, more ice than snow really.  It didn't really matter what I picked up, I was going to throw it.  It could have been a rock.  I didn't care.  

I threw the piece of ice.  Bulls-eye.  Right in the back of his jeep.  Having hit the Jeep I kept walking.  

Apparently Jordan had driven to the game and I had walked past his car.  So I had to walk back to get in.  I walked back, got in and we drove off.  

As we were driving  we saw fatty fat McDouche walking down the street.  He had pulled his Jeep over and was now walking back in the direction where he thought I was.  Little did he know we had just driven past him.  

As if that wasn't good enough it got better when I was informed that his license plate said HOTTIE.  Now I kind of want to find his Jeep and make his license plate say FATTIE.  

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