I hate January. All these people with their resolutions to lose weight. They all made the same resolution last year. They're still just as fat if not fatter now. Stop making the resolution, you are just taking up space in the gym.
As many of you know I pay $20 a month to go to an uncrowded gym, instead of going to the Fieldhouse for free. I'm not telling you which gym cause I don't want you crowding the place up. The reason I don't go to the Fieldhouse is mostly because of the crowding.
The Fieldhouse is treated more like a lounge than a gym. It's just full of people sitting and laying on the equipment. Occasionally they'll use it. You know while there are using it they are saying 'hey baby look at me' in their head.
Then you have the people on the cardio equipment. They're just using that stuff so people will look at them and be impressed that they are running/biking/ellipticali
Whenever I go to the Fieldhouse I just ride the bike. Sometimes I do other stuff, but that is rare. Along with the normal bike I always do the hand bike. It's like my big 'eff you to everyone in there. I use the one thing in there practically no one else ever uses. Quite possibly the gayest thing in the place. I use it cause it's good to use, but it doesn't hurt that it makes a statement at the same time. I know I look gay when I use it, but I'm not there to not look gay. I'm there to work out. That's what the rest of you should be there for.
Working out is not what people are there for though. They are there to look good, try to at least. Then they look around at all the other people. I'm surprised there aren't more accidents in there with the amount of looking going on. But I guess you have to actually be doing something for an accident to occur. The Fieldhouse is pretty much a G-rated peep show. Maybe even PG. Whatever it is, it sure isn't a gym anymore.
You're also expected to talk to people when you are at the gym. This occurs at every gym I suppose, but it's even worse at the peep show known as the Fieldhouse. I don't talk to people when I'm at the gym. I go out of my to not talk to people. I even go out of my way to not give people a wink, a nod, a smile, a hand raise or anything. I try to just avoid eye contact all together.
Against my will, I feel obligated to say something to one guy that goes to my gym. He's always there when I'm there. I feel like I have to say something. I'm not a dick and I don't want him thinking that. That still doesn't stop me from trying to avoid him. I won't go in the locker room when he's in there. I walk around machines to avoid him. Inevitably though, our paths cross. I'm forced to give a small hand wave and say something. I always have my headphones in and I can't hear anything with them in. He says something to me and I'll say something back. I can't hear him though, so I'm sure my response is always non-sensical. I probably am always yelling at him too. That doesn't matter though, cause we are the only ones in there.
That was until last month. It happens every year at January. The gym gets crowded. I know they'll all be gone soon. They can't hack it. They just sit on the equipment anyways. I can wait the few more weeks until they go back to watching their soap operas at home.
The problem is that there is these two new guys. I think they may keep coming. I've seen them a couple of times before, but ever since the new year they have been in regularly. This isn't a big problem. They just make 4 people in there instead of 2. The problem is the guy on steroids. Don't act like you aren't on steroids either. I saw you back in September/Octoberish time. That was only 4 months ago. You just don't naturally get that much bigger in 4 months.
I don't have a problem with his steroid taking. If he wants small testicles, so be it. It's the fact that he walks around pulling his shorts up like a Speedo as he walks around. Then the other day, right in the middle of the gym, he just takes his shirt off. Taking his shirt off just made it more apparent of steroid use. But really, you need to take your shirt off in the middle of the gym with like 8 other people in there? Seriously, are you gay? Then he proceeds to flex in the mirror for a couple of minutes. Who the hell does this guy think he is? At least go to locker room.
If he's just going to flex and admire himself all time time he should just go to the Fieldhouse. He'd fit in there. That's all the goes on there.
I didn't mean to go on like that. I just went on an Adam Carolla type rant. I realize this often times didn't make sensee, but that is what a rant is. It's a coincidence that I went on a Adam Carolla rant because that is another thing I was going to talk about. I'll do that at a later date.
But anyways, this guy walks into this bar. He orders a couple of beers throughout the night. Turns out this bar has Wi-Fi and he just happens to have his laptop on him. So he logs on to Facebook. He's a little drunk by this point. He starts reading some notes. What was he reading? Some poem by this Amanda chick. Last call comes and he orders another beer. Goes outside and calls a cab to take him home.
He left his laptop there, still open showing the poem written by some Amanda chick. The bartender changes the page the screen is on. He changes it to a new note. What note is it? It's this one.
The guy comes back the next day to get his laptop. To his surprise, it's still open on the counter. He can tell it's still on a Facebook note. As he gets closer he can see that it isn't the poem by some Amanda chick. It's this note. He doesn't remember looking at this note.
"What the hell?" He says. "I must have been really wasted last night to read this crap."
Not all stories that start with a guy going into a bar are funny.
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